* a SiNgLe SiLvEr BuLlEt ShOt RiGhT tHrOuGh My <3 *

oops i kinda forgot about this thing.
i really didnt mean to, i promise.

things have just been crazy around here.
between work & school, i think im dying a slow
death... and it sucks.

ohhh well. :)

todays been very interesting.
im not sure what to think.

im determined to update this thing more.

i dont think that im supposed to be wide awake at 2am.
oh, but i am. sad thing is i was exhausted at like 8pm.
& i got off the phone to go to sleep, but the phone
kept ringing & i kept talking & now i'm wide awake.
what the heck? haha. oh and i took this cough medicine stuff
- yeah its not making me any sleepier. at least im not coughing
like i was. & my throat doesnt hurt that much right now.

oh but wait until i wake up - it'll be on fire again. that's how
it was this morning. ;) oh well. i cant help it. its not really MY
fault that i drank out of a shot glass with someone that felt so sick,
but failed to mention that to anyone else. now we are all dying. haha.
at least im not the only one sick. sickest by far, but not the only one
sick. (of course, i am sicker than everyone else. i have the non existant
immune system, if we all recall.)

but yeah, so i have to go to the doctor this week. & im really nervous.
why is it that i always get nervous about these appts, when i cant change
anything that is happening. its out of my control about what happens.
oh well. its just going to be an interesting week, thats all i can say.

:(

i guess that i'll write on here.

things are looking up.
friends/family/whatever.
i think i like a new boy. we arent going to mention his name though.
its not like its really that important.
:)

so where to start.

school - classes, are well, classes. not too bad, i guess. 8 hours of spanish might be an overdone thing. oh well. its 2 & 4 ... cant be that bad, right? im thinking that its gonna be mighty nice. and i am probably going to mexico this summer for credit. yeah, and interning with DHS. we might really be on the road to something here.

boys - i think ive finally gotten rid of all the ones i dont want around. this is way too exciting. i still talk to a couple of them occasionally, but not like they were calling me.

friends -ive cut off some pretty big ties. im not going to say who they are or anything though. if you know, you know. if you dont, you dont. its not really that big of a deal, but i just got tired of the same shit that's been going on for months.

family - pretty good. i dont talk to much of them anymore. thats pretty exciting. :)

im learning alot these days.

im tired of this.

fell down the stairs in the garage.
im broken again. (my tailbone + cracked rib).
yep, thats what the dr said. haha this sucks.
when am i EVER going to get better.

at least the medicine is fun. :)
and i have great friends too :) :)

merrrrrrrry christmas. :)

im tired of this.
boys, "friends", "family".
& especially being sick.

so here's the deal asshole.
im not calling you. you will
call me if you want to talk.

if i do not answer. i will not
call back. therefore you must
continue to call me until you get the

hint. yes, that's how ths is
looking. i dont do well with being
hung up on TWICE in the same day.

i hate you.


but other things make me smile :)

IM DONE!
im going HOME for a month.
i cant wait :)

1. First thing you did this morning? - took a final
2. Last thing you ate? - taco bell
3. Is your cell phone a piece of crap? - not really
4. What's the thing you look forward to most in the next 6 months? - um christmas?!
5. What's annoying you right now? - the people walking upstairs
6. Last movie you saw in the theater? - no clue
7. Do you believe in long distance relationships? - yes
8. What's Worse? a) getting hurt; b) people not being real with you; c) not getting everything you try so hard for? - getting hurt
9. Is there someone you miss? - yes
10. What inspires you? - friends
11. If you could put together a concert of 5 bands or artists, who would you choose?
- 1. hawthorne heights
- 2. brand new
- 3. staind
- 4. jason boland
- 5. ingram hill
12. Song that sums up your life? - um its my life by bon jovi
13. What's one thing you wish you were better at doing? - studying
14. If you could be anywhere this second, where would it be? - far from here.
15. What's your most vivid memory from highschool? - ummm ... there's tons. probably oklahoma (the musical)
16. Latest Addiction? - cigarettes
17. What was the last thing you dreamed about? - we wont go there either.
18. How many people would you say were interested in you? - haha. 3 or 4. its kinda fun actually.
19. What do you love doing? - shopping / sleeping
20. Do you think someone thinks about you daily? - i hope so.
21. Who was the last person you saw or talked to? - bradey.
22. What do you want to be when you grow up? - a mom, a social worker, a wife.
23. What is your favorite food? - taco bell / braums
24. How many people do you know with the same name as yours? - tons, just not spelled my way
25. What was the last thing you spilled? - lettuce off a taco.

my heart is heavy tonite.

im sorry i hurt you.

so i gave you that chance.
i gave you everything i had -
emotionally & physically. i just
dont think that i can do it anymore.

i just cant explain why i feel like this.
and i just want you to know that i cried
the whole way back to my apartment last night.
you made me really sad.

you promised you wouldnt hurt me like the rest of
the boys.you FUCKING promised me, asshole. i guess my
promises mean alot more to me than they do to you.
that makes me sad too. i guess all the warnings i got

last night should have told me. and the nagging feeling
that i had that last night was going to be bad. well it was.
and i couldnt sleep last night. i came to see you and you put
me in tears. thats not cool. and then i tell you to call me

today. well im fucking done with that shit too. you cant keep
that promise either. and you were all concerned that i was mad.
fucking asshole. if i had made you mad, i would have called by
noon. yet its almost 5. im not buying your excuses anymore.

im so hurt. i think more than ever. and i will tell you why.
because you knew things that no one else ever knew. and i trusted
you so much. and i was willing to give another boy a chance after the
last go around. but that's not going to happen a n y m o r e .

and just so you know - what you did was wrong. really wrong. and when
you call me. i will let you hear it. oh, yes, i will. because YOU dont
deserve anything from me. its over. i will have ONE conversation with you.
and then im fucking through with your skanky ass.

y o u s c r e w e d i t u p f o r t h e n e x t p e r s o n t h a t w a n t s t o d a t e m e.
(fucking jerk).

POST A MEMORY OF ME
It can be anything you want.
Then post this in your journal.
See what people remember about you

*Graduated High School.
*Kissed someone.
*Smoked cigarettes.
*Got so drunk you passed out.
*Rode every ride at an amusement park.
*Collected something really stupid.
*Gone to a rock concert.
*Helped someone.
*Gone fishing.
Spun turn tables.
*Watched four movies in one night.
*Gone long periods of time without sleep.
*Lied to someone.
*Been dumped.
Snorted cocaine.
*Failed a class.
*Smoked weed.
Dealt drugs.
*Taken a college level course.
*Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Done hard drugs (i.e. ecstasy, heroin, crack, meth, acid).
*Watched someone die.
*Been to a funeral.
*Burned yourself.
Ran a marathon.
*Lost your virginity.
*Your parents got divorced.
*Cried yourself to sleep.
*Spent over $200 in one day.
*Flown on a plane.
Cheated on someone.
*Been cheated on.
*Written a 10 page letter.
Gone skiing.
Been sailing.
*Cut yourself.
*Had a best friend.
*Lost someone you loved.
*Shoplifted something.
Been to jail.
*Had detention.
*Skipped school.
*Got in trouble for something you didn't do.
*Stolen books from the library.

*Gone to a different country.
Dropped out of school.
*Been in a mental hospital.
Watched the "Harry Potter" movies.
*Had an online diary.
*Fired a gun.
Gambled in a casino.
*Had a yard sale.
*And a lemonade stand.
*Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to sea world.
*Attempted suicide.
*Voted for American/Australian Idol.
*Written poetry.
*Read more than 20 books a year
Gone to Europe.
*Loved someone you couldn't have.
Wondered about your sexuality.
*Used a coloring book over age 12.
*Had surgery.
*Had stitches.
Taken a taxi.
*Seen the Washington Monument.
*Had more than 5 IM's/online conversations going at once.
*Overdosed.
*Had a drug or alcohol problem.
*Been in a fist fight.
*Suffered any form of abuse.
*Had a hamster.
*Pet a wild animal.
*Used a credit card.
Gone surfing in California.
*Did "spirit day" at school.
*Dyed your hair.
Got a tattoo.
*Had something pierced.
*Got straight A's.
*Been on the Honor Roll.
Your parents sent you to a shrink.
Been handcuffed.
Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
*Taken pictures with a webcam.
*Started a fire.
*Had a party while your parents weren't home.
*Gotten caught having a party while they were gone.
*Done surveys like this to pass the time.

*I cannot do splits.
I hate challenge.
My dreams disturb me.
I often wear dresses.
*I've been called "fake" before.
My ears have never been pierced.
Good posture is a turn-on.
Jesus is my homeboy.
I hate all the ideas of the hippie population.
Freddie Mercury is a god.
*I have a perverted mind.
My muscles are bigger than your head.
*I eat too much
*I enjoy being checked out.
*My skin-tone is synonymous to xerox paper.
I hate bottled water.
I've sent something to PostSecret.com.
*I want to send something to PostSecret.com.
*I am so sorry.
*There are words and/or phrases that make me cringe when I hear them.
*I love to watch gameshows.
*I'm just like everyone else...
Caffeine is terrible.
I need to shave.
In person, I'm very private. On livejournal, I'm very open.
In person, I'm very open. On livejournal, I'm very obscure.
I cannot sleep in.
*I hate being told how to do things that I know perfectly well how to do.
*I enjoy foreplay way more than sex itself.
I can run a five-minute mile.
1,000 sit ups is an easy task.
I don't do dairy.
Pink Floyd... YES.
My eyesight is better than my hearing.
*"Hate" is a word I use a lot.
I'm a stereotypical teenager.(if we are being hosent)
*I think about death a lot.
*I can't wait until I have kids.
*I am never rarely bored.
I collect Beanie Babies.
I sleep on a waterbed.
I am/was in Water Polo.
I hate to read.
I lie more than I breathe.
I have a new crush every week.
I sing very well.
*A shower sounds really good right now.
*I talk to Smarterchild on AIM.(sometimes)

*My friends make me drawings.
*I am respected at school/work/wherever.
*The song "Bananas" by Gwen Stafani helps me spell bananas.
*Most of my friends are depressed.
I own a car I do not drive.
Cartoons, that's all I watch.
*I love it when my friends are happy.
I read the Da Vinci Code.
I'm Jewish.
*Pasta is my favorite.
My cat's name is Fluffy.
I am intimidating.

I know all most of the songs in A Nightmare Before Christmas by heart.
*The glass is half-empty.
*I say "That's gay" a lot.
I am a very light sleeper.
I hug all my friends.
I feel dumb whenever I make typos.
I can't dance.
Rap is the only true music.
Lightning frightens me.
*I wish I were cooler.
I hate buying things for my girlfriend/boyfriend.
*Foreign movies irritate me.
I always use semicolons.
*I wear a lot of makeup.
I'm homosexual.
Drugs help me cope with things.
I have cheated on a girlfriend/boyfriend.
I hate shirts with writing on them.
My cellphone ringtone is some popular song.
*I like Green Day.
I wear a lot of jewelry.
*[99.99% of] my friends tell me everything.
Math isn't my favorite subject, but I'm good at it.
*I have been physically taken advantage of.
*I'm obsessed with livejournal.
I celebrate my pets' birthdays.
I've been hit on by lesbians.
*There is something I am addicted to.
I have a lot of zits on my face.
I hate watching the movie if I haven't read/finished the book.
I don't have a myspace.
My parents are restrictive.
Sex-scenes are my favorite.
I hate the smell of gasoline.
*I've watched Barney.
My favorite store in the mall is the bookstore.
By trying to be "nonconformist," I look like everyone else.
*I'm putting off something.
Techno is a pleasure.
I like Ska.
*I laugh at jokes I don't understand.
*People say I'm funny.
A friend of mine is named Claire.
*I hate all of my ex boyfriends/girlfriends.
I ride a motorcycle.
*I'm a stickler for grammar.
*I dye my hair.
*People judge me.
*Gigantic sweatshirts = love.
This survey is kinda neat.
I never wear my hair down.
I judge other people based on the music they listen to.
*I'm nosy.
Fire is so beautiful.
I'd be better off alone.

post it in your lj! Learn something new about someone you talk to everyday.

About Me

Have you ever...
01. Fallen for your best friend?:yes
02. Made out with JUST a friend?: yes
03. Been rejected?: yes
04. Been in love?: yes
05. Been in lust?:yes
06. Used someone?: yes
07. Been used?: yes
08. Cheated on someone?: no
09. Been cheated on?: yes
10. Been kissed?: yes
11. Done something you regret?: no

Who was the last person...
12. You touched?: fleans
13. You talked to?: the lady at the convience store here at school
14. You hugged?: fleans
15. You instant messaged?: lauren
16. You kissed?: um im not sure
17. You had sex with?: we wont go there
18. You yelled at?: my dad
19. You laughed with?: linzie
20. You had a crush on?: um i dunno
21. Who broke your heart?: we arent going there.

Do you...
22. Color your hair?: yes
23. Have tattoos?: not yet
24. Piercings?: just my ears
25. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both?: nah
26. Floss daily?: no
27. Own a web cam?: no
28. Ever get off the damn computer?: usually
29. Sprechen sie deutsche?: um, no
30. Habla espanol?: sorta

Have you/do you/do you have...
40. Considered a life of crime?: it'll probably come to that
41. Considered being a hooker?: yeah haha
42. Considered being a pimp?: no
43. Are you psycho?: no
44. Split personalities?: not that we know of
45. Schizophrenic?: no
46. Obsessive?: most likely
47. Obsessive compulsive?: about some things
48. Panic?: not usually
49. Anxiety?: yeah
50. Depressed?: who isn't these days?
51. Suicidal?: nah i love myself too much
52. Obsessed with hate?: apparently
53. Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore?: no.
54. Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them?: no, eww
55. If you could be anywhere, where would you be? not here. probably arizona.
56. What would you be doing?: getting away from the craziness here.
58. What are you listening to?: foo fighters "the best of you"
59. Can you do anything freakish with your body?: i think not.
60. Chicken or fish?: depends
61. Do you have a favorite animal, no matter how lame it may be?: dolphins

GEOGRAPHY

How many states have you lived in? one
How many states have you traveled through/vacationed in? a bunch. around 20 something
Which state was/is your favorite? california
You have two weeks alone (ALONE!) any place in the world. Where would you go? hawaii
What would you do? the beach.
Where would you least like to live? wyoming

HISTORY

How old were you when you first moved out of your parents’ home? eighteen
Did you ever have to move back in? if i want to.
What year did you get your first real job? eighteen
How much was minimum wage? 5.25
What year did you graduate from high school? 2003
What was the theme song to your Senior Prom? i dont remember

Do you remember watching the first "Live Aid"?: huh
Ronald Reagan’s shooting: whaaaa
The Space Shuttle explosion: again, who knows
Princess Diana’s Death: at my house in okc. watching the news.
The Oklahoma City Bombing: at school. in 4th or 5th grade.

MATH

How many letters are in your name? nineteen
How many keys are on your keychain? 2 ish
How many windows are in your home? lots and lots
How many exterior doors are in your home? one
How many cars have you owned? 3
How many states have you had driver’s licenses in? just one
How many e-mail addresses in your ‘primary’ e-mail account address book? like 100
How many email accounts do you have? two, but i always forget to check the other one

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

What is the last book you read? he's just not that into you
What are you currently reading? none
What do you plan to read next? who knows?
What was the last movie you watched alone? something on lifetime
What was the last movie you watched with someone else? i dunno
What was the last scary movie you watched? i cant remember
What was the last comedy you watched? um cant remember that either
What was the last drama you watched? i don't remember. i don't do movies.
What (if any) one television do you watch religiously every day/week? laguna beach
What (if any) is your favorite sport? basketball. though i dont watch often
Soaps: nope
What is your favorite musical? driving miss daisy
Have you ever seen a live opera production? nope
Who is your favorite poet? um im not sure
What is your favorite poem by him/her? im not sure
Which ‘Friend’ would you say you are most like? eleanor.
Who in ‘Mayberry’ do you have the most in common with? whaaaaaa

GENERAL TRIVIA

How old are your parents? 39 and 41
Are you missing any digits? nope
Do you wear glasses or contacts? yes
Dressing up for an evening out? YES!
What do you use more of: Tape, Staples or Paper Clips? tape
Internet Explorer or Netscape Navigator? IE
PC or Mac? pc
Do you use paper towels or re-useable rags? depends where i am
Do you prefer showers or baths? baths

im freezing.
and in pain.
and i have to go to class.

(scratch that - there was no class)


yeah im not too excited.
thank you.

:(


::: i need a deep margarita
to help me undwind // leave all
my troubles behind :::

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: *just might make me believe* sugarland

I've got a single silver bullet
shot right through my heart to
see I can survive without you.

yesssssssss, im in <3 with this.